Questions and Answers The Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo Ep #98

You are listening to the Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo, episode number 98.

Welcome to the Life Coach School Podcast, where it's all about real clients,

real problems, and real coaching. And now you're host, Master Coach Instructor,

Brooke Castillo. Oh my gosh you guys, what an amazing, exciting, wonderful week it has been for me.

I was so much going on and I'm so blessed and excited and here's the best news.

I can count on one hand my evolutionary moments when I have changed from one person to another,

where I have evolved into the next best version of myself. And when I go back to those defining

moments in my life, they blow my mind. I am going through one of them right now. And the strategic

byproduct of that is that I am creating so many great new ideas for you all. I am in a highly

creative space right now. I have so many ideas that I'm making into tools that I'm making into

exercises and worksheets and concepts to teach all of my students. And I feel this heightened

sense of momentum in my life and the opportunities that keep flowing in and the conversations

and the people that want to speak to me and the opportunities that I have are ridiculous. They're

I mean they're off the hook. If I would have told myself 10 years ago that the people

that are calling me these days wanting me to work with and for them were calling me I wouldn't

believe you. So I feel so excited and I'm so excited that you're here with me and that we're doing

this together. At the end of the day I love success. I think it's super fun. I look at it like a game.

What can I create in the external world with my mind? But the most important thing for me is you

because I always identify with myself when I was trying to figure out how to feel better, trying to

figure out how to create a better life for myself and a feeling lost and discouraged and like I

didn't have someone that could guide me. So if that's you I don't want you to worry that I'm

going to get preoccupied with trying to create success for myself that will never happen. I am dedicated

to my students and especially my students who are suffering that are willing to put in the work

to change that for themselves. That is my number one priority. I just met with my team. We talked

about 2016 and what our priorities are for each other and for the school and we have a common

dedicated purpose of creating less suffering in the world, creating a contribution to the planet.

And we all feel really good about the work that we're doing in the world and it's because our main

priority is to make sure that the people who need the life-changing information that we have get it.

So please know that you putting your comments in the comment board and you being present in my

classes and you coming to my trainings is the most important thing for me. I'm about to start January

2016's class training tomorrow. We'll be doing that for six days. I have 27 people coming to that

training, 27 souls that will never be the same. Every time we do a training we know that there has

never been a group of people that is exactly this at this time with the instructors or five of us

instructing that will learn the same things that we will learn and people will leave knowing

more things than they did when they came. They will be changed emotionally. That has been our

history and that is our intention. So I'm really, really excited to meet all of them and I will

for sure tell you all about it in the episodes to come. But today what I'm doing is going through

all of the questions that you guys put in the comments box. For those of you who email me or try

to email me your questions, I usually just reply and say please put it in the comments box because

that's our process for filtering all of our questions through and making sure that we get them

answered live. So I'm going to go through the questions that we have and answer them and I know that

there's a few questions that were there that were so specific that they didn't really apply to everyone.

So I answered those privately. But the questions that I think generally will serve everyone. I am

going to read aloud and answer here. So let's go ahead and start with this one.

Hey Brooke, I love your podcast. I love learning more about our brain, thoughts,

feelings, action, results. My question is this. Since I have granddaughters and wondering how to

teach them about not hurting other people's feelings. Riley would not say goodbye to her pop of my

husband for whatever reason. Sometimes she just doesn't want to talk. I wanted to say,

Riley, you are hurting pop of feelings when you ignore him. But I didn't. Oh, I'm so glad you didn't

Debbie. Instead, I asked her why, but as usual, she refused to answer. She's four years old.

So what are your thoughts on teaching children this concept? I know I said pop of love

you and it is respectful and nice to answer him. Then I let it go. Well Debbie, what you're asking

me is how do you teach them the concept that they have the ability to hurt other people's feelings?

And I would never agree that you should ever teach anyone that concept, especially before your

old. We don't have the ability to hurt other people's feelings. And the truth was,

pop of feelings weren't hurt. Were they? Did pop a get upset and have a feelings hurt?

Because his four-year-old granddaughter did not say goodbye. My guess is that did not happen.

So not only would it have been not a great thing to teach her, but it probably would have been

true. And because it's something we're programmed to do and to teach and to know,

we don't think about it that way. So one of the things that we kind of have to differentiate between

is manners and teaching proper manners and why we have manners and why we acknowledge people when

they speak to us and those sorts of things. But the reasoning behind it is not because it'll hurt

other people's feelings because we're truly not that powerful. Right? We put our napkin on our lap

and we chew with our mouth closed, not because we don't want to hurt other people, but because we want

to have nice manners in the world and show up in a way that is representative of who we want to be.

So what I would do is if you want to teach her to not ignore Papa when he's talking to her,

you don't make the reason be because of Papa. You don't make the reason be because of Papa's feelings.

You teach her how to acknowledge someone when they speak to you the exact same way that you would

teach her to put her napkin on our lap. The reason behind it doesn't have to be untrue, right?

You can just say it's polite. It's nice. It's what we do. We acknowledge people when they speak to us.

That is manners. That's good manners. And I think teaching her that is powerful. Now, sometimes

we teach something that I think goes beyond good manners where we teach our children that they

have to hug someone even if they don't want to. We teach people that they have to say I love

you back even if they don't believe it. And I don't know where you are on that spectrum. That's

completely up to you of how you teach your children and your grandchildren how to behave. But I think

it's something that you should put some thoughtful effort into in deciding what you want to teach

and why. What is the reason behind it? Is it for the sake of Riley? Is it for their hersake?

Because it's not for the sake of Papa. We don't need the four-year-old to take care of Papa, right?

We need Riley to get everything she needs to have an amazing life, right? Give her all that

foundation that she will then decide what to do with, but we have that programming now. And so

remembering that she's four years old and you're teaching her manners, give her the reason behind

everything that she does that empowers her instead of disempowering her. So if the reason why Riley

talks to Papa is because she doesn't want to hurt Papa's feelings, that's going to end up

being a false relationship where she's trying to manipulate Papa's feelings with her actions. If the

reason she doesn't ignore Papa is because she wants to feel good about herself and because she wants

to have good manners in her own life and she wants to be respectful, especially if she gets older,

that will be a very different intrinsic reason. And most importantly, that'd be most importantly.

When somebody ignores Riley, she won't get her feelings hurt. She won't make it mean something

about her. She'll make it mean something about them. Probably that they don't have very good manners.

Right? Which would be much more powerful than her feeling like they had the ability to hurt her

feelings. Great question, Debbie. Thank you so much for asking it and keep us updated on how that

goes. Hi, Brooke. I'm loving your podcast and it's really rewarding to catch myself applying when I've

learned in real life situations. Do you have any advice for feelings of envy or greed when others

are successful profiting by ripping off or being a little too inspired by your hard work? Your advice

and teaching is changing my life. I cannot thank you enough for what you do. Okay. So let me make

sure I understand your question, Jen. You're saying, do you have any advice for feelings of envy or

greed? So my guess is you, Jen, are the one that is feeling envy and greed towards other people

who are very successfully profiting by ripping off your hard work. So first and foremost, let me

remind you that all of your feelings come from your thinking. So it sounds to me if I'm reading

your question correctly and apologize if I'm not. But if I'm reading your question correctly,

you are applying your feelings to what other people are doing and that's never the case.

Okay. So it's your feelings are being caused by what you're thinking about what others are doing.

Now my guess is they're ripping you off. It sounds like you're working really hard and they're

ripping you off and they're becoming very successful. I'm going to tell you my theory on this

because it's something that comes up a lot for me in my industry and the work that I do and then

you can come up with your own theory. So I create a lot of work in the world and I put it out there

very freely and very often, very very often people take my work and teach my work to other

people and charge money for that. Now if you are one of my coaches, you are licensed to do this

and you absolutely should do this and you for sure have my blessing and legally are in all ways

able to do this. If you are not one of my coaches, if you haven't purchased a license by going through

my training to use my stuff, you're literally doing this illegally, right? You're taking my work

and like you said, they're ripping it off and profiting from it. But here's my theory on that.

It's okay with me. It's totally okay with me. Because first of all, the alternative is it's not

okay with me and I'm going to go police these people and I'm going to spend my time chasing them down

and yelling at them for teaching my material in the world. The reason why I do my work is to

reduce suffering. And when I say reduce suffering, I imagine myself when I was really struggling

with my own weight and the amount of suffering I had was extreme. Often when I'm having conversations

with colleagues and we talk about charitable contributions and the impact we want to have in the

world that the conversation many times will go to people that are starving and people that are

without homes. I mean, truly do not have the basic needs in life and are truly physically suffering.

And of course, my heart goes out to all of those people and my intention would be, of course,

to help them in any way I can. But my main focus and my main priority is on people who have

all their basic needs met and in fact, more than all their basic needs met and their emotional

suffering is equal to or sometimes worse than those who don't have all their physical needs met.

I think there's something to be said for people who are physically suffering because they have

no food and have no shelter or have no family. I think in some ways that suffering makes more

sense to someone who's having it, then to someone who has all their basic needs met and is still

truly emotionally suffering. So if you look at someone who is starving to death because they

literally don't have access to food or someone who is starving to death because they are anorexic,

I don't think you can compare the suffering as one being worse than the other. I think that

they're different and I think that the woman that is suffering from anorexia, it's much more

complicated suffering because there is food available. The solution is available and it's right

there and she's not taking it so it feels like a more complex problem to solve and that may be

why that's my focus and my interest. We all have our focuses and the problems we want to solve.

So it's a long way around to say that I really have the intention of getting my work to as many

people as possible and if my work gets to someone and helps alleviate their suffering

through someone who stole my work and is sharing it and profiting off it, I'm okay with that.

I really am and a lot of my friends this makes them not crazy about this but I really do genuinely

feel that way and I don't want to put any energy into chasing anyone down. That is telling my

stuff and profiting from it and in order for me to feel greed and envy because they've taken my work

and are making more money off of it then that means that I am not doing as good of a job as they are.

So Jen this is kind of you know the truth of the situation if someone can take your work

and profit on it more than you are profiting on it you're not doing a good enough job on getting

your work out into the world and that's just the truth and that's probably why you're upset

that's probably why you're MBAs. They've taken your work and they're able to profit more than you

are with it is what it sounds like but here's the good news if they can do that then it's possible

and you can do it too and in fact you can do it legally and you can do it with a pure heart

and you can do it from a place of abundance so my suggestion to Jen is not to worry about

other people stealing your stuff because you can make that mean that your stuff is good it's worth

stealing right if nobody steals your stuff nobody rips you off online it's because your stuff

isn't good if your stuff's any good and you put it out in the world someone will steal it and

as soon as someone steals your work for the first time you're going to know damn I'm good

right so you can think about it that way the second thing you can do is look at how they're putting

it out into the world and profiting on it and know that that's a possibility for you people are

buying your work from them so people want it and instead of feeling envious or feeling greedy or

judging them or being upset with them I would completely let them go and focus on what it is you

want to create and how you want to profit and how successful you want to be and then get your

little butt to work doing that and put all your energy into that instead of brooding over what

these other people are doing I believe that everybody gets what they create in the world if you

create through stealing from somebody else it will come back to you in ways that you can't even

anticipate if you create by hurting someone else you will be hurt in ways that you can't even

anticipate and if you create from a place of pure abundance and pure joy and absolute dedication

to helping and giving people in the world it will come back to in ways that you can't even imagine

so Jen you have a lot of hard work you have a lot of great stuff in the world be proud of that

focus on that high five yourself for that and then move on and see what else you can create and how

much harder you can work because here's the thing the benefit of hard work is feeling proud of yourself

and you deserve that right you've been working hard you deserve to feel proud of yourself the last

thing you deserve is to feel MBS or greedy right so own your work forget about everyone else and

what they're doing in the world that's really not your business and even if they're stealing

your stuff you can chase them down and put your energy into that or you can put your energy into

creating even more amazing steelable work in the world and that would be my recommendation

hi bro I love your podcast cannot tell you how much your work has touched my life

as insightful as all of your podcast and resources are I have one area that I'm dealing with

that I'm having a hard time with grief how can I help walk myself and potentially others through

these difficult feelings and reactions surrounding losing loved ones for some reason applying the

model which makes sense doesn't seem to help I'm at a loss love this question Valerie because it's

so important and it brings up a really important point when it comes to the model I think there is

an assumption when I teach this work and I know it's an assumption because I do not teach this is that

the goal is to get out of negative emotion as soon as possible and an emotion like grief is one of

those emotions that when we resist it when we ignore it when we react to it it persists and it's

something that we have a hard time healing from now grief in and of itself is a very clean emotion

that offers healing and it's one of the most beautiful emotions because can you imagine

if when someone very close to us died we didn't experience grief?

be awful can you imagine you're like yeah my husband died yesterday what's for lunch?

be awful I think that there is an expectation that we get to experience grief when someone dies

and that it heals us and that it allows us to get to the other side of it now what a lot of people

do when they struggle with grief is they reject it they try to push it away or with the really

experiencing is something that isn't grief that they're calling grief which may be regret or resentment

or frustration or anger so first and foremost Valerie what I would suggest that you do is you

really look at what is genuinely causing the grief now it's easy to say the person's death is

causing the grief but that is not the case what is causing the grief and what causes all

emotions is what we think now that's not to say we should change what we're thinking so we don't

experience grief if my husband or child or animal were to die I would want to experience grief

and I would embrace it and I would allow it to be there for as long as it could be there and the

thought that I would be having is I will miss their presence in my life I can't imagine

what my life will be like without them that I think creates a genuine grief where we can really

go through the process of experiencing it now other thoughts maybe I should have done something

I should have made it different so they didn't die or I should have said something to them before

they died or I should have had a different relationship with them or I won't be able to function

without them or I'm not good enough to handle this now that isn't grief right those thoughts that

are attached to that situation are not thoughts of grief there are thoughts of something else that you

may be calling grief so you want to make sure you separate those things out when you experience

pure grief when you allow it in and when you are present with it you don't need help with it

when people resist grief and struggle with grief that's when they need help they don't need help

when they're feeling it they need help when they can't they need help when they're admired in

other emotions so separate those out and I think it will become very clear to you how the model

is a beautiful reflection of grief and that there are models that don't need changing right away

and eventually I think about the latest grieving that I did was form my dog Zoro who passed away

it was a dog we'd had for 16 years and there was so much grief but it was beautiful right so

there was an a lot of resistance around it and there wasn't a lot of ugly thoughts around it it was all

just beautiful and we still grieve for him and we still talk about him and it brings up tears like

even just now when I mentioned his name I felt that tears come to my eyes and that's a beautiful

thing that's not something that I think has gone wrong I think that's something that's gone beautifully

right Brooke I've been enjoying your podcast who wouldn't thank you I absolutely love what you have

to bring the value is incredible thank you for your time encouragement inspiration professionalism

and transparency I love your adoration for your husband it sounds like we married a similar

caliber of man oh my god can we just stop for a second and like gush over Chris my husband for just a

minute I was thinking about this today yesterday I made a huge pan of mushrooms love mushrooms

and I cooked them and Chris had brought home a pizza for the kids and I had left some of the

mushrooms in the pan for him in case he was going to want some I wasn't sure what he was going

to bring for dinner well I noticed when he got home that he just had pizza he wasn't going to eat

those mushrooms and then I totally forgot about the pan and I went to bed and I woke up in the

morning and he had cleaned the pan and cleaned the counters and taken care of everything in the kitchen

without even mentioning it to me but without saying hey you know you left your pan with all the

mushrooms in it like it never even occurred to him to bring that to my attention and to let me know

what he had done for me I find that astonishing like that's not how I am I would be like yo you left

your pan I cleaned it like where's my standing ovation like it's so funny how different we are he's just

such an amazing good person and I know that I'm a good person I'm just a good person in a very

different way and so I so admire his selfless giving and really genuinely from his heart where he

doesn't need acknowledgement or credit because I could have totally easily forgotten about that

and never would have even acknowledged him or noticed it or whatever and I just told him you know

I think that you're just an amazing person and I love that about him so anyway yes Jackie I am obsessed

with my husband I think he genuinely is the best person I know okay I have a few questions and show

ideas for you first I'd love to know your take on the system isigenics for weight loss and overall

lifestyle what have you seen from the people that you coach okay so I do know a little bit about

isigenics I do have some of my coaches who sell isigenics so I do have some commentary on it because

my husband did it and I'm always making so funny I'm always having Chris test to things for me

and initially when one of my coaches that had me check it out it's not in line with what I teach

so it wasn't something that I felt like I could or even wanted not that I couldn't but I didn't

want to integrate it in but my husband did go on the isigenics cleanse and he did lose a lot of

weight it's a very challenging cleanse there's a lot more to it that I don't understand you don't

have to just do their cleanse but I think it was like a 15 day cleanse and he went on it and lost

the significant amount of weight and kept it off for a good amount of time and then he did it again

and it wasn't as successful the second time he lost just a little bit of weight and wasn't able to

keep it off and I will say that you have shakes on isigenics that he enjoyed and then there was

some other stuff that you had to drink that he did not enjoy and one of the things that I want to

add and say is that I think if you want to give your body a break from eating and go on a quote

cleanse I highly recommend that you do intermittent fasting and so if doing that is easier for you

when you're on isigenics and I say check it out but I think it's a great company I love my

students that work for them and they go nuts about it they think it's the best thing ever and that's

about the extent of my knowledge when it comes to isigenics my approach is not to rely on an external

product but to create your own protocol from within so those are my thoughts on isigenics second

of show idea maybe I'm missing it as I haven't listened to all your podcast yet but could you address

how to break a habit any habit oh good question and include how you help your elementary children do the

same maybe it's a habit of chewing your nails picking your nose exaggerating lying cussing

laziness etc you're a rock star maybe I'll see you in one of your classes yes Jackie you should

come to one of my classes let's do this hey I have a class coming up February 5 it's going to be

live the price is ridiculously low to come hang with me for a day it's a last time I will offer

anything like this so Jackie come meet me let's talk about this okay so let's talk about habits just

briefly a habit is just a model that you have done so many times that it has become unconscious and

effortless okay so it's a thought feeling action that you have done so many times you've repeated

it so many times that it has become effortless so here are the steps to breaking a habit number one

you have to become aware of your subconscious model which is easier said than done because it's

something that you've done so often you may not even recognize it as a model so think about the

thing that you're doing let's say it's nail biting that would be in your action line so you have

to find your thought feeling combination that causes you to bite your nails and you have to bring

it into consciousness from your unconscious patterning okay so that step one you have to be aware

of it step two is you have to decide what it is you want to do instead of biting your nails which

it may simply be not biting your nails right and what is the difference between those two models

what is the thought feeling action pattern that's different than where you're starting and then

in between those two models is going to be changed that's the process of change which will be

uncomfortable and unfamiliar and as long as you're willing to stay in that space and practice and

rehearse your new model long enough you will be able to release the old patterning and open up

the new patterning I am actually going to be doing upcoming podcasts probably three podcasts on

this in the future so it's a brilliant show idea we must be connected in some way and I will be

breaking it down in detail because really the key is to change your unconscious thinking your

unconscious patterning in order to create something new that at first will not be effortless but

the more effort you put into changing it the more effortless it will become remember your brain wants

to be efficient it wants to take the your action patterns it wants to take your models and make

them subconscious and that's when we have a habit great questions thank you so much Jackie

alright you guys there are some more questions that I haven't answered but we have gone so long

into this podcast I'm going to go ahead and end it here if you asked a question and I didn't

answer it it will for sure be on the next Q&A so look out for that one you guys have a ridiculously

amazing week I will be in training all week and I'll tell you all about it next time we talk

alright everybody have a great one talk to you later bye bye thank you for listening to the

life coach school podcast it is my honor to show up here every week and connect with people that

are like minded wanting to take their life to a deeper level with more awareness and more consciousness

if you are interested in taking this work to the next level I highly encourage you to go to the

life coach school dot com forward slash how to fill better online it is there that I have a class

that will take all of this to a deeper application where you'll be able to really feel and experience

how all of these concepts can start showing up in your life it's one thing to learn it in

actually it's another thing to truly apply it to your life I will see you there thanks again for listening